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CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE SEMINAR
(CORRECTED VERSION)
“…till death us do part!”
CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE SEMINAR
(A Little Bit of Heaven in Your Home)
'Eph 5:22-26 22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word… AV1611…KJB (all references in this study are KJB only)
INTRO.: The prerequisites for a TRULY happy, balanced, and successful Christian marriage are:
(Please allow me a personal testimony to get things going. My dear wife Shirley and I were married (happily) for just short of 60 years before she was taken to Heaven on March 29th 2019. When I say “happily” that doesn’t mean there were no disagreements, challenges, heartaches, health issues, etc. It simply means we found the solutions to our problems as Bible believers in God’s Word and words. And we brought any issues to Him in prayer, and He gave us the victory. I still love her and miss her every day! If she could return, without all the pain she went through the last 10-12 years of her life on earth, I would ask the Lord to send her back to me “special delivery” and ASAP!)
(Now, please allow me one more word before beginning. I have done my best to back up the views in this “seminar” with God’s infallible Word and words. Unfortunately, being a mere human (though a saved human), I have perhaps introduced some inadvertent “Fedena’s philosophy”. If you find something like that in this study, please let me know. This study is not meant to promote my personal views, but a sincere presentation of what I understand the Word of God to teach. It is also a compilation of the views of the authors listed at the bibliography at the end of the series. My e-mail address is [email protected].
If you are interested in more of my Bible studies, sermons, ideas, comments, Christian music, etc., please check out my website:
pastorpaulfedena.weebly.com.
(The music, commentaries and other interesting items on this site are placed there by my former asst. pastor, Brother Rob Madden. He is the websites originator and webmaster and he has included MANY Bible commentaries, helps, news articles and other material from many other sources. As a result, this website has become VERY popular. THANKS BROTHER MADDEN!!!)
Now with this out of the way, let’s begin…
A. The tragedy in America today is that 40% to 50% of marriages end in divorce! And that does not take into account those who simply “move in together” without the commitment of marriage and pretend that they are actually “married” and then just move out! Nor does it take into account those who would prefer to separate or divorce, but find it financially or otherwise not practical to do so.
B. Though from a secular source the following words of (biblical) wisdom will help any marriage, with some exceptions. Someone has said “The price of a lasting marriage is high, although not necessarily exorbitant. It is a matter of trade-offs…total personal freedom for mutual strength,…independence for interdependence…disposable income for emotional satisfaction.”
C. In this treatise we will deal with the major areas of “keeping the honey in the honeymoon.”
We will present biblical topics under the headings of:
I. SUBJECT: SUBMISSION…”wives…submit…”
OH, OH! I can just hear the ladies say, I knew he was going to start with this. Don’t blame me…it’s where the Lord started in our text verses above.
A. Wives Must Be Submitted to God and Their Husbands: v.21
1. It is not a “50/50 proposition”
2. It is defined as a “help-meet” not a “help-mate”
NOTE: The word “subjection” is a Greek military word meaning “to stand under” indicating
💥In a recent poll 90% of the women surveyed wanted the word “obey” removed from the marriage ceremony. But biblical subjection is an elevation, not a lowering, of women’s status.
3. The difference between a man and a woman is positional, not personal. “…male and female created He them” (Adam & Eve - There are only two genders, regardless of what the debased, immoral and Bible ignorant society try to foist on all of us!)
4. The difference between men and women is one of rank, not inferiority.
5. The submission is not for women as a class to men as a class, nor even for an individual woman to be subject to every man.
6. The submission here is for a wife to her own husband, nothing more nor anything less.
B. Wives Must Lose Their Separate Identities at Marriage: v.22
1. The woman changes her name, not the man.
NOTE: This is similar to when a person takes the Savior’s Name: “Christian” when they are born again. (“…as the church is subject to Christ”)
2. The woman publicly and privately takes on her husband’s identity!
C. Wives Must Submit in “everything” vv.23,24 (God’s Word, not my word. P.F.)
1. As the man must submit everything to God, so the wife must submit to her husband.
2. Even the woman’s appearance speaks of her submission.
a. She is to have “long hair” according to the Word of God, this speaks of her submission to her husband.
b. God calls a wife’s “long hair” her “glory”! (“long” is the opposite of “short”!)
NOTE: I recently attended a service in a good church where a female staff member, standing in front of the church next to the pulpit, had an extremely short haircut, and because the world has established women’s short haircuts as O.K., regardless of length, the new style has become acceptable in local churches! SAD, BUT TRUE. Preachers rarely, if ever, mention this “touchy subject”, in services, thus giving tacit approval.
1Cor. 11:14 Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him? 15 But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering. (read the entire passage beginning at v.3)
c. The wife’s apparel: modest and feminine.
Isa 47:1b-3a thou shalt no more be called tender and delicate…make bare the leg, uncover the thigh, thy nakedness shall be uncovered, yea, thy shame shall be seen…. (Apparently bare legs and thighs suggest immodesty, “nakedness” , and immorality for a woman)
NOTE: During World War II women left the home to replace their men in the factory while their men were on the battlefield and were helping in the defense of our nation. “Rosie the Riveter” became the symbol of patriotic women and replaced “Hannah the Homemaker” and “Wonder Woman” became the heroine to replace “Superman” as the role models for boys and girls. Ultimately this evolved into the Sexual Revolution. Women replaced men in the workplace and men began to be “stay at home dads” to raise the children. Women traded their dresses for pants and jeans. Women became masculinized, and men began transitioning into femininity. Lesbianism was on the rise and homosexuality for men became acceptable in our culture. America embraced the “new normal” of role reversal. At the time of this writing our nation (and world) is being conditioned to accept the next giant step of transgenderism. “Drag Queens” (men who dress as women and wear makeup) and lesbians (women who openly embrace attraction for, and sex with, other women) are now invading our public school system and parents are told it is the not the business of parents to raise their children, but the role of government and psychologists to do so (“it takes a village” – Hillary Clinton). Role reversal is often expressed in long hair for men and very short hair for women and cross dressing is now O.K. The metamorphosis of boys into women and girls into men is being ingrained in our minds and beliefs as a society. (Recommended reading: “The Return of the gods” by the Jewish Christian author, Jonathan Cahn – a New York Times best seller)
Deut. 22:5 The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.
(Note: there is biblically an obvious difference between a man’s garments and that of a woman’s garments. The concept of “pants” (for men) is now considered O.K. and possibly “standard”, for women. But it has even gone further in our corrupt, anti-God, anti-Bible, sex-oriented sex-crazed and even sex confused(!) [“male and female created He them…”] society, to women wearing tights or leggings, which leave almost nothing to the imagination, showing every crease, and curve of a female.) I have yet to see a modest bathing suit for either sex! And women now wear jeans which are already bleached to look old and torn to reveal skin. (?)
NOTE: As they say: “You’ve come a long way, baby!” Maybe we should substitute “wrong way” for “long way”!
🫅Ladies, dress the way HE wants. Be feminine and take the time to beautify yourself for HIM! Immodest dress in public indicates you are dressing for other men! (You want them to be pleased or attracted to you?) Cook the food HE likes. Keep your home the way HE likes.
👑Treat him like a king
and you will soon find he will begin treating you like a queen! (Sarah called Abraham “lord”! 1 Peter 3:6)
➕ Other subjects addressed in God’s Word negatively are tattoos and cuttings.
Leviticus 19:28 Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.
➕You say, “Preacher, I don’t like your preaching/teaching!” But according to the Bible, God does!
3. The wife’s submission regarding God’s order:
NOTE: This means HE is also responsible for failures. You are responsible only for doing what he desires and expects. HE is responsible for what God expects. You are to be in submission to him and HE is to be in submission to the Lord.
4. Practical problems in submission:
a. Does a wife make decisions? Of course! The husband only overrides them when they are detrimental to the proper functioning of the family and/or are opposite or opposed to what God has to say.
b. Does a wife have a say in her husband’s decisions? Of course! A woman has a vote, but not the final vote. In a Christian home there is complete democracy until the final decision is made by the husband, but ultimately God holds the husband responsible for all decisions!
Prov. 7:21 With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him.
c. Does a wife have freedom in her Christian home? Of course! Submission does not remove freedom; it provides for it. (Submission gives a wife freedom from responsibility and gives her husband the liberty to fail as well as to succeed.)
d. Wives must “reverence” their husbands (“reverence” means respect and respect only comes as the husband earns it.).
Eph 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. (What does the word “reverence” mean? Probably what some of you ladies are not doing!)
5. Types of unsubmissive wives:
a. Tantrum Tilly: A neurotic who wants her ego fanned all the time. If everything doesn’t go her way, she “blows a gasket” and makes everyone in the home miserable.
Prov. 21:9 It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.
b. Jealous Jill: She is jealous of everything he does and wants to know his every move. (But he should be accountable for his moves!)
Prov. 27:15 A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.
c. Gossiping Gertrude: She is so filled with envy and hate she cannot respond or submit to her husband biblically.
Prov. 15:4 A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.
d. Domineering Dora: She runs her husband into the ground and then tries to run the local church as well as her home and family. Her husband, in her view, never pleases her, and she never stays off his back. (Hopefully her assessment is wrong and he is a loving husband.)
Prov. 12:4 A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
e. Retread Ruth: She tries to make her husband conform to some idealistic pattern. She nags him day and night.
Prov. 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
f. Silent Sara: She “clams up” and freezes up on her husband to make his existence (and everyone else’s) miserable or she may simply pout or shout and vent her anger by her attitude and actions.
Prov. 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
II. SUBJECT: SWEETNESS “Husbands, love…”
NOTE: Note the two principles: “wives submit…&…husbands love!”
A. Husbands Must Express Their Love: (We are the Bride of Christ and “Christ loved the church (His Bride), and gave Himself for it.”)
1. Husbands must give to their wives their love, and many expressions of their love.
2. Husbands must give their time, energy, money and everything (including his life if necessary) for his wife.
3. The expression of that love may take many forms, not the least of which is physical love.
NOTE: The bedroom need not be only the one in your own home – all the time. You need to get away from the familiar occasionally. Go to a motel, or a friend’s home (when they are away – pre-arranged, of course), visit a loved one or a relative out of town (if there is privacy), but change surroundings occasionally. It doesn’t have to be an expensive vacation. Have a grandmom or other relative take care of the kids for a couple of days, but get away from the “same ole, same ole” …make it exciting. Remember too that each partner has a final veto.
1Cor. 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
a. Personal hygiene is important! (Shave, shower, then snuggle!)
b. Personal communication is vital!
Heb. 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
NOTE: Ladies, be a lamb outside the home and a lion in your bedroom! Don’t be passive all the time. There is nothing wrong with intimacy inside the gates of marriage. Tell him what pleases you. (Read the Song of Solomon)
b. Personal appearance is vital!
NOTE: Try to keep yourselves for one another as you were when you were first attracted to one another! Of course, this means that you should not only look your best and be attractive or handsome but keep the communication verbally and physically alive and meaningful. Men, shave on your days off. Ladies, don’t come to the breakfast table in your house coat and hair rollers (or whatever they are called now). Court each other throughout your marriage as you did before your marriage. Keep those home fires burning.
c. Personal consideration is imperative!
NOTE: A successful night in the bedroom doesn’t begin at 10PM…it begins the first thing in the morning. Begin at breakfast to be kind, sweet and pleasant to each other as you begin your day.
It all begins with words.
Prov. 7:5 That they may keep thee from the strange woman, from the stranger which flattereth with her words. 6 For at the window of my house I looked through my casement, 7 And beheld among the simple ones, I discerned among the youths, a young man void of understanding, 8 Passing through the street near her corner; and he went the way to her house, 9 In the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night: 10 And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart. 11 (She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house: 12 Now is she without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner.) 13 So she caught him, and kissed him, and with an impudent face said unto him, 14 I have peace offerings with me; this day have I payed my vows. 15 Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee. 16 I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linen of Egypt. 17 I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. 18 Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves 19 For the goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey: 20 He hath taken a bag of money with him, and will come home at the day appointed. 21 With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him. 22 He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks.
NOTE: Husbands, do not clutter up or dirty up your wife’s castle. She is keeping it clean and neat for YOU! Pick up after yourself and hang up your clothing. Take off your muddy, sweaty or greasy shoes and clothes in a place where she doesn’t have to do it for you.
Eph. 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.
13) Love the person, hate the problems.
14) Consider your wife’s worth: lover, mother, housewife, maid, manager, chauffer, seamstress, baby-sitter, good Samaritan, nurse, counselor, business partner and general “help-meet”.
(Stop here and read Proverbs 31)
a. Your personal attitude towards intimacy is crucial:
1.) Recognize the biblical basis and restrictions concerning sexual intimacy.
2.) Realize the biblical sanctity of sex – God ordained it.
3.) Remember the biblical spirituality of sex – it is not just a physical act, but a deeply spiritual and psychological act and it is total union with a member of the opposite sex (not man with man or woman with woman!) God sees confusion of the sexual identity as an “abomination”.
Lev. 18:22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.
Lev. 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
Romans 1:18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness; 19 Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them. 20 For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse: 21 Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. 22 Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, 23 And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things. 24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves: 25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen 26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: 27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. 28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
4. Risk the biblical promise of sacrificial love and its resultant blessings. Be committed!
a. The man is the initiator and the woman is the responder.
b. The man must display kindness, sweetness and commitment and then the wife should and do her best to respond positively.
NOTE: It is amazing that women who are mistreated by their husband do not poison them, beat them, leave them, or all the above. This shows the blessed restraint on the part of the woman (oops, lady)!
5. Remind yourselves of the biblical framework of physical intimacy
a. To produce mutual love and pleasure.
b. To reproduce the race.
c. To provide parenthood.
d. To prevent infidelity, promiscuity, fornication and adultery.
NOTE: Ladies, often your husband may be exposed to mini-skirted women, wearing clothing with cleavage designed to entice sexual feelings, jaded Jezebels, out to seduce YOUR MAN at work and in the marketplace, there are books, TV, movies, social media, porn, etc.! He had better have someone out to seduce him at home or he may cave in and succumb and if he does it is his fault (and to some extent, possibly yours)! It is YOUR job to turn him on, attract him, and keep him satisfied at home. Love him
deeply and intimately!!!
a. Problems in intimacy may develop:
1.) Sameness destroys…use your imagination, introduce new concepts.
2.) Fear hinders…relaxation is a necessity. The threat of unwanted children sometimes brings fear of intimacy and intercourse.
NOTE: ✔️The “Pill” is harmful to the body, which is God’s temple, and it interrupts God’s design for the female body, so should not be used by believers. Other more natural forms of contraception are available. Both husband and wife must agree. (The only method of birth control in the bible is self-control. But sexual intimacy is not frowned upon within the context of marriage.)
✔️Abortion is the murder of another person. The only exception would be if birth jeopardizes the life of the mother. The “shedding of innocent blood” is another abomination in God’s sight! No one is more innocent than the unborn.
Prov. 6:16 These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: 17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood… (that would include parents, doctors, nurses, et. al.)
3.) Ignorance kills, a biblical viewpoint is needed.
NOTE: Once and for all let’s dispel the ignorance of the biblical view of intimacy. If you think sex within marriage is “dirty” or simply a “duty” to be performed or endured, you are spiritually immature in this area. Study the Scriptures! Sex within marriage, in the Scriptures is seen to be vital, pleasurable, helpful, necessary, clean, exciting, and spiritual.
4.) Boredom kills also:
a. Nothing will destroy a good marriage relationship quicker than boredom. Pleasant surprises are great.
b. Broaden your interests: read, explore new possibilities, look into new hobbies and interests, etc.
c. Encourage a change in schedules, furniture, clothing, hairdos, within your financial and other means.
d. Review your needs: quit doing what satisfied you 20 years ago unless it still does!
e. Examine your present practices and change them wherever needed.
III. SUBJECT: SHEKELS: “Ye cannot serve God and mammon” (money or riches)
Mt 6:19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: 20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: 21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also 22 The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. 23 But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness! 24 No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.
A. The Husband Controls the Money (Budget) in the Home:
PERSONAL NOTE: As the husband, I set up the budget at the beginning of the year. However, since my wife was better at shopping, etc., she wrote all the checks, paid all the bills, did most of the shopping, made sure bills were paid on time, etc. and even gave me an “allowance” each week from my paycheck, according to that budget. This is a very personal decision, but the husband should never be kept in the dark about expenditures, etc. Avoid separate checking accounts, “secret” purchases (except for special occasion surprises), etc. (There were times when my wife did “sneak” some money or gifts to the children or grandchildren without my prior approval or direction, but did so out of love, not to “cheat” or hurt our budget. I now forgive her! 😊
1. This does not mean that he has to spend the money, he simply controls where and when it is spent.
2. It does mean that he must control and be aware of every expenditure.
B. Should a Wife Work Outside the Home to Support the Family? Possibly. (The passage below deals with the ideal wife and mother.)
Prov. 31:13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. 14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. 15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. 16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. 17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. 18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. 19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. 20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. 22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. 24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. 25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
1. If she can submit her paycheck to her husband for evaluation and possible control.
2. If she contributes to and does not hinder God’s order in the home.
3. If she can remain in subjection to her husband.
4. If she can be at home with the children when they are awake and at home.
5. If she can continue to be a good mother and wife when at home.
C. Should a Wife Be Aware of the Family’s Financial Status? Definitely!
1. She must know about investments, insurance policies, etc.
2. She must be a partner in any decisions concerning purchases, etc.
3. She must be included in every account, plan, and anything that impacts her home’s income and obligations.
4. She must share her needs for household management with her husband.
NOTE: ❤️The husband and wife should have some provision in writing (a will?) regarding what is to be done with finances, children, etc. in the event of death, disability, etc. It is a good idea to state in writing your own funeral expenses and instructions. These decisions are often personal and sometimes influenced to some extent by society, well-meaning relatives, etc., e.g. viewing, burial, cremation, donation of body parts or of the entire body for medical research and to help others with usable body organs. (My wife and I agreed on the latter and when she went to Heaven, her organs helped at least four other people who needed them. My body will hopefully help others as well. This is another good reason to stay as healthy as possible throughout your life on earth. The waiting list for those needing organs is sadly often too long and those in need often die before someone cares enough to help them. Think about an unsaved person who might receive our organs and then live longer and finally receive Christ before their own death. I don’t have the Apostolic gift of healing or raising the dead, but I may continue to be a blessing to someone after I am gone to the glory land. Of course, the funeral industry doesn’t profit when a body is donated. They promote burial since they sell burial plots, limousines, expensive caskets, headstones, charge large sums for their “services”, etc.
❤️Of course, you can still have a memorial service (absent your body). There will be no grave site to visit (you will not be there anyway!), but your ashes may be given to loved ones of your choice, if desired. And the Holy Spirit is no longer a resident when you die. For the believer it is simply “absent from the body and present with the Lord.” - P.F.)
IV. SUBJECT: SWITCHES “the rod of reproof”
NOTE: The subjects we have already covered: Submission , Sweetness and Shekels, bring us logically to the next subject, i.e. Switches or discipline for children of a married couple.
A. Discipline Must Be Consistent:
1. Discipline children the same each time for the same or similar offense or infraction of your rules (whether at grandma’s house, the church house, your house or the grocery store. Of course you may have to wait to get home to your house).
2. Children have short memories, so you need to remind them of their offense.
3. Discipline each child in the same way (age appropriate).
NOTE: “Time outs” or sitting children in a corner or elsewhere is not the biblical approach to discipline…that is our current pop-culture concept. While they are on a “time out” they are simply pouting or plotting. Trust what God says in His Word as being the most effective in the long run. He sees the end result. Another form of discipline is to deny them what they like to do or play with for a stated time. If your children are into the internet, social media, etc., it is your right and responsibility to know what they are engaged in. When they are in your home they have no right to privacy, regardless of what the ungodly world may say to the contrary.
Prov. 19:18 Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Prov. 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
Prov. 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
(Discipline when a child is young may avoid serious problems later.)
B. Discipline must be shared by both parents:
1. Mom must do much of the spanking for minor infractions because dad is often at work. (“Just wait till daddy gets home” turns dad into an enemy to be disliked if overused.)
2. Dad must do most of the spanking for major problems. (If only one does the correction he or she will become the “villain”)
C. Both must agree in front of the children about disciplinary action.
1. If you are wrong, admit it to the children.
2. If you are wrong, apologize to the children.
Eph. 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
D. Discipline must be administered in love:
1. Wait until you “cool down” before disciplining your children.
2. But practice discipline as soon as possible after the offense. (Making disciplinary threats without acting on them produces animosity and festers rebellion and increased misbehavior in a child. Practice what you threaten as soon as possible or don’t threaten in the first place.)
3. Discipline should produce a serious examination of the offense.
4. If you don’t break his or her will (yes, girls have a sinful nature also) when he or she offends, he or she will break your heart later.
NOTE: For you own benefit and spiritual insight and growth read and study the appropriate Scriptures regarding discipline, e.g….
Prov. 3:11,12 My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction: 12 For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.
Prov. 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Prov. 19:18 Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Prov. 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. 16 When the wicked are multiplied, transgression increaseth: but the righteous shall see their fall. 17 Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.
Prov. 20:20 Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness. (This is how serious God sees rebellion and sin)
Prov.22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Eph. 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
V. SUBJECT: SPIRITUALITY…”ye which are spiritual”
Gal. 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. 2 Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ 3 For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself. 4 But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. 5 For every man shall bear his own burden. 6 Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teacheth in all good things. 7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. 8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. 9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
NOTE: The heading above is the spiritual “glue” which binds the other headings together.
Without spirituality, SUBMISSION becomes abrasive,
SWEETNESS becomes a farce,
SHEKELS create tensions and
SWITCHES (or child discipline) becomes a disaster.
But what is SPIRITUALITY? Can it be measured? It is like the wind. You can feel it and see its results, but you may not see its ultimate outcome, but the results and manifestations are measurable. So, let’s dive in and see what the Scriptures reveal…
A. Spirituality is Submission to God and His Word:
1. In prayer.
2. In obedience to His will (revealed in His Word).
B. Spirituality is Sensitivity to God:
1. It is responding to the prompting of the Holy Spirit.
2. It is yielding to the leadership of His Spirit.
C. Spirituality is Service to God:
1. Giving your time, talents, tithes and trust to Him and His work (the local church).
Heb 10:25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
2. Attending preaching and teaching times in your local assembly…do away with on-line watching, go to church!. (Unless you have a legitimate reason: sickness, disability, severe pain, etc.)
3. Visiting the sick, elderly, shut-ins, afflicted, etc.
4. Witnessing to and winning the lost.
5. Passing out gospel tracts as a daily ministry or as often as possible.
6. Building a Christlike spirit in your home.
7. Encouraging every family member to be active for Christ in a sound Bible-centered local church and setting the example.
8. Maintaining a balance in every area of your life in line with the Scriptures.
ARE YOU SPIRITUAL?
CONCLUSION: Well, ladies, are you SUBMISSIVE? Husbands, are you SWEET? Mom, Dad, Children, are you SPIRITURAL? Believers, are you SCRIPTURAL?
💥Once again, I would ask you to let me know where I have been unscriptural in my approach to this subject of a Christian and Christ-centered marriage? I have honestly and humbly attempted to unfold what God has to say on these vital biblical subjects within the context of a Christian marriage. The Lord has an invested and intense interest in every believer’s life and certainly in a Christian’s marriage and home.
💥Of course, the basic principles above apply to those believers who have not married as well. The Bible is our guide for the unmarried too. Perhaps you have chosen to remain unmarried so you may better serve the Lord without some of the distractions and responsibilities of being yoked to a husband or wife. Maybe God has called YOU to remain unmarried.
1Cor. 7:8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. (Paul stated this when he was on the road constantly preaching the Word and during a time of extreme persecution against believers.)
1Cor. 7:32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
1Cor. 7:34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
INTRO.: The prerequisites for a TRULY happy, balanced, and successful Christian marriage are:
- Both husband and wife must be born-again.
- You must both love one another.
- You must have a heart’s desire to “make it work”.
- You must be surrendered to the Lord and His will.
- You must believe in God’s Word (an AV1611 or King James Bible).
(Please allow me a personal testimony to get things going. My dear wife Shirley and I were married (happily) for just short of 60 years before she was taken to Heaven on March 29th 2019. When I say “happily” that doesn’t mean there were no disagreements, challenges, heartaches, health issues, etc. It simply means we found the solutions to our problems as Bible believers in God’s Word and words. And we brought any issues to Him in prayer, and He gave us the victory. I still love her and miss her every day! If she could return, without all the pain she went through the last 10-12 years of her life on earth, I would ask the Lord to send her back to me “special delivery” and ASAP!)
(Now, please allow me one more word before beginning. I have done my best to back up the views in this “seminar” with God’s infallible Word and words. Unfortunately, being a mere human (though a saved human), I have perhaps introduced some inadvertent “Fedena’s philosophy”. If you find something like that in this study, please let me know. This study is not meant to promote my personal views, but a sincere presentation of what I understand the Word of God to teach. It is also a compilation of the views of the authors listed at the bibliography at the end of the series. My e-mail address is [email protected].
If you are interested in more of my Bible studies, sermons, ideas, comments, Christian music, etc., please check out my website:
pastorpaulfedena.weebly.com.
(The music, commentaries and other interesting items on this site are placed there by my former asst. pastor, Brother Rob Madden. He is the websites originator and webmaster and he has included MANY Bible commentaries, helps, news articles and other material from many other sources. As a result, this website has become VERY popular. THANKS BROTHER MADDEN!!!)
Now with this out of the way, let’s begin…
A. The tragedy in America today is that 40% to 50% of marriages end in divorce! And that does not take into account those who simply “move in together” without the commitment of marriage and pretend that they are actually “married” and then just move out! Nor does it take into account those who would prefer to separate or divorce, but find it financially or otherwise not practical to do so.
B. Though from a secular source the following words of (biblical) wisdom will help any marriage, with some exceptions. Someone has said “The price of a lasting marriage is high, although not necessarily exorbitant. It is a matter of trade-offs…total personal freedom for mutual strength,…independence for interdependence…disposable income for emotional satisfaction.”
C. In this treatise we will deal with the major areas of “keeping the honey in the honeymoon.”
We will present biblical topics under the headings of:
- SUBMISSION,
- SWEETNESS,
- SHEKELS,
- SWITCHES, and
- SPIRITUALITY.
I. SUBJECT: SUBMISSION…”wives…submit…”
OH, OH! I can just hear the ladies say, I knew he was going to start with this. Don’t blame me…it’s where the Lord started in our text verses above.
A. Wives Must Be Submitted to God and Their Husbands: v.21
1. It is not a “50/50 proposition”
2. It is defined as a “help-meet” not a “help-mate”
NOTE: The word “subjection” is a Greek military word meaning “to stand under” indicating
- the wife is to take a position under the leadership of her husband.
- It has to do with a humble and intelligent obedience to an ordained and authorized power over us, just as husbands, wives and children are under God’s power.
- When women fight for equality with men, they come down off the pedestal of dignity they hold biblically.
💥In a recent poll 90% of the women surveyed wanted the word “obey” removed from the marriage ceremony. But biblical subjection is an elevation, not a lowering, of women’s status.
3. The difference between a man and a woman is positional, not personal. “…male and female created He them” (Adam & Eve - There are only two genders, regardless of what the debased, immoral and Bible ignorant society try to foist on all of us!)
4. The difference between men and women is one of rank, not inferiority.
5. The submission is not for women as a class to men as a class, nor even for an individual woman to be subject to every man.
6. The submission here is for a wife to her own husband, nothing more nor anything less.
B. Wives Must Lose Their Separate Identities at Marriage: v.22
1. The woman changes her name, not the man.
NOTE: This is similar to when a person takes the Savior’s Name: “Christian” when they are born again. (“…as the church is subject to Christ”)
2. The woman publicly and privately takes on her husband’s identity!
C. Wives Must Submit in “everything” vv.23,24 (God’s Word, not my word. P.F.)
1. As the man must submit everything to God, so the wife must submit to her husband.
2. Even the woman’s appearance speaks of her submission.
a. She is to have “long hair” according to the Word of God, this speaks of her submission to her husband.
b. God calls a wife’s “long hair” her “glory”! (“long” is the opposite of “short”!)
NOTE: I recently attended a service in a good church where a female staff member, standing in front of the church next to the pulpit, had an extremely short haircut, and because the world has established women’s short haircuts as O.K., regardless of length, the new style has become acceptable in local churches! SAD, BUT TRUE. Preachers rarely, if ever, mention this “touchy subject”, in services, thus giving tacit approval.
1Cor. 11:14 Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him? 15 But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering. (read the entire passage beginning at v.3)
c. The wife’s apparel: modest and feminine.
Isa 47:1b-3a thou shalt no more be called tender and delicate…make bare the leg, uncover the thigh, thy nakedness shall be uncovered, yea, thy shame shall be seen…. (Apparently bare legs and thighs suggest immodesty, “nakedness” , and immorality for a woman)
NOTE: During World War II women left the home to replace their men in the factory while their men were on the battlefield and were helping in the defense of our nation. “Rosie the Riveter” became the symbol of patriotic women and replaced “Hannah the Homemaker” and “Wonder Woman” became the heroine to replace “Superman” as the role models for boys and girls. Ultimately this evolved into the Sexual Revolution. Women replaced men in the workplace and men began to be “stay at home dads” to raise the children. Women traded their dresses for pants and jeans. Women became masculinized, and men began transitioning into femininity. Lesbianism was on the rise and homosexuality for men became acceptable in our culture. America embraced the “new normal” of role reversal. At the time of this writing our nation (and world) is being conditioned to accept the next giant step of transgenderism. “Drag Queens” (men who dress as women and wear makeup) and lesbians (women who openly embrace attraction for, and sex with, other women) are now invading our public school system and parents are told it is the not the business of parents to raise their children, but the role of government and psychologists to do so (“it takes a village” – Hillary Clinton). Role reversal is often expressed in long hair for men and very short hair for women and cross dressing is now O.K. The metamorphosis of boys into women and girls into men is being ingrained in our minds and beliefs as a society. (Recommended reading: “The Return of the gods” by the Jewish Christian author, Jonathan Cahn – a New York Times best seller)
Deut. 22:5 The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.
(Note: there is biblically an obvious difference between a man’s garments and that of a woman’s garments. The concept of “pants” (for men) is now considered O.K. and possibly “standard”, for women. But it has even gone further in our corrupt, anti-God, anti-Bible, sex-oriented sex-crazed and even sex confused(!) [“male and female created He them…”] society, to women wearing tights or leggings, which leave almost nothing to the imagination, showing every crease, and curve of a female.) I have yet to see a modest bathing suit for either sex! And women now wear jeans which are already bleached to look old and torn to reveal skin. (?)
NOTE: As they say: “You’ve come a long way, baby!” Maybe we should substitute “wrong way” for “long way”!
🫅Ladies, dress the way HE wants. Be feminine and take the time to beautify yourself for HIM! Immodest dress in public indicates you are dressing for other men! (You want them to be pleased or attracted to you?) Cook the food HE likes. Keep your home the way HE likes.
👑Treat him like a king
and you will soon find he will begin treating you like a queen! (Sarah called Abraham “lord”! 1 Peter 3:6)
➕ Other subjects addressed in God’s Word negatively are tattoos and cuttings.
Leviticus 19:28 Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.
➕You say, “Preacher, I don’t like your preaching/teaching!” But according to the Bible, God does!
3. The wife’s submission regarding God’s order:
- There cannot be 2 leaders in a home.
- The man must be a man (he is to be a prophet, priest and king in his home.)
- The woman must be a lady, a woman (sweet, feminine and attractive as possible.
- The blessing in submission is simply a transfer of authority.
NOTE: This means HE is also responsible for failures. You are responsible only for doing what he desires and expects. HE is responsible for what God expects. You are to be in submission to him and HE is to be in submission to the Lord.
4. Practical problems in submission:
a. Does a wife make decisions? Of course! The husband only overrides them when they are detrimental to the proper functioning of the family and/or are opposite or opposed to what God has to say.
b. Does a wife have a say in her husband’s decisions? Of course! A woman has a vote, but not the final vote. In a Christian home there is complete democracy until the final decision is made by the husband, but ultimately God holds the husband responsible for all decisions!
Prov. 7:21 With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him.
c. Does a wife have freedom in her Christian home? Of course! Submission does not remove freedom; it provides for it. (Submission gives a wife freedom from responsibility and gives her husband the liberty to fail as well as to succeed.)
d. Wives must “reverence” their husbands (“reverence” means respect and respect only comes as the husband earns it.).
Eph 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. (What does the word “reverence” mean? Probably what some of you ladies are not doing!)
5. Types of unsubmissive wives:
a. Tantrum Tilly: A neurotic who wants her ego fanned all the time. If everything doesn’t go her way, she “blows a gasket” and makes everyone in the home miserable.
Prov. 21:9 It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.
b. Jealous Jill: She is jealous of everything he does and wants to know his every move. (But he should be accountable for his moves!)
Prov. 27:15 A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.
c. Gossiping Gertrude: She is so filled with envy and hate she cannot respond or submit to her husband biblically.
Prov. 15:4 A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.
d. Domineering Dora: She runs her husband into the ground and then tries to run the local church as well as her home and family. Her husband, in her view, never pleases her, and she never stays off his back. (Hopefully her assessment is wrong and he is a loving husband.)
Prov. 12:4 A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
e. Retread Ruth: She tries to make her husband conform to some idealistic pattern. She nags him day and night.
Prov. 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
f. Silent Sara: She “clams up” and freezes up on her husband to make his existence (and everyone else’s) miserable or she may simply pout or shout and vent her anger by her attitude and actions.
Prov. 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
II. SUBJECT: SWEETNESS “Husbands, love…”
NOTE: Note the two principles: “wives submit…&…husbands love!”
A. Husbands Must Express Their Love: (We are the Bride of Christ and “Christ loved the church (His Bride), and gave Himself for it.”)
1. Husbands must give to their wives their love, and many expressions of their love.
2. Husbands must give their time, energy, money and everything (including his life if necessary) for his wife.
3. The expression of that love may take many forms, not the least of which is physical love.
NOTE: The bedroom need not be only the one in your own home – all the time. You need to get away from the familiar occasionally. Go to a motel, or a friend’s home (when they are away – pre-arranged, of course), visit a loved one or a relative out of town (if there is privacy), but change surroundings occasionally. It doesn’t have to be an expensive vacation. Have a grandmom or other relative take care of the kids for a couple of days, but get away from the “same ole, same ole” …make it exciting. Remember too that each partner has a final veto.
1Cor. 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
a. Personal hygiene is important! (Shave, shower, then snuggle!)
b. Personal communication is vital!
Heb. 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
NOTE: Ladies, be a lamb outside the home and a lion in your bedroom! Don’t be passive all the time. There is nothing wrong with intimacy inside the gates of marriage. Tell him what pleases you. (Read the Song of Solomon)
b. Personal appearance is vital!
NOTE: Try to keep yourselves for one another as you were when you were first attracted to one another! Of course, this means that you should not only look your best and be attractive or handsome but keep the communication verbally and physically alive and meaningful. Men, shave on your days off. Ladies, don’t come to the breakfast table in your house coat and hair rollers (or whatever they are called now). Court each other throughout your marriage as you did before your marriage. Keep those home fires burning.
c. Personal consideration is imperative!
NOTE: A successful night in the bedroom doesn’t begin at 10PM…it begins the first thing in the morning. Begin at breakfast to be kind, sweet and pleasant to each other as you begin your day.
- Sweet talk one another – not to do so might set up infidelity as the following passage illustrates.
It all begins with words.
Prov. 7:5 That they may keep thee from the strange woman, from the stranger which flattereth with her words. 6 For at the window of my house I looked through my casement, 7 And beheld among the simple ones, I discerned among the youths, a young man void of understanding, 8 Passing through the street near her corner; and he went the way to her house, 9 In the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night: 10 And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart. 11 (She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house: 12 Now is she without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner.) 13 So she caught him, and kissed him, and with an impudent face said unto him, 14 I have peace offerings with me; this day have I payed my vows. 15 Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee. 16 I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linen of Egypt. 17 I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. 18 Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves 19 For the goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey: 20 He hath taken a bag of money with him, and will come home at the day appointed. 21 With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him. 22 He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks.
- Establish signals and suggest your desires subtly or openly and verbally.
- Call each other and express your love at unexpected times.
- Give small tokens of love to each other – especially husbands to wives, and in sight of the children.
- Arrange for dates away from the house and kids.
- Take an expressed interest in each other’s interests, problems and needs.
- Strive openly and regularly to please each other.
NOTE: Husbands, do not clutter up or dirty up your wife’s castle. She is keeping it clean and neat for YOU! Pick up after yourself and hang up your clothing. Take off your muddy, sweaty or greasy shoes and clothes in a place where she doesn’t have to do it for you.
- Avoid jealousy…trust each other!
- Don’t be petty…never threaten to withhold sexual or other pleasures because of differences. Intimacy is a right, not a privilege. (See 1 Cor. 7:1-5 above)
- Never embarrass your partner in public or in front of your children.
- Never allow problems to linger.
- Do not dress slovenly or sloppily…except on necessary occasions…try to look your best for each other even when no one else is around.
- Never use the “freeze” (silent) treatment…keep communication open.
Eph. 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.
13) Love the person, hate the problems.
14) Consider your wife’s worth: lover, mother, housewife, maid, manager, chauffer, seamstress, baby-sitter, good Samaritan, nurse, counselor, business partner and general “help-meet”.
(Stop here and read Proverbs 31)
a. Your personal attitude towards intimacy is crucial:
1.) Recognize the biblical basis and restrictions concerning sexual intimacy.
2.) Realize the biblical sanctity of sex – God ordained it.
3.) Remember the biblical spirituality of sex – it is not just a physical act, but a deeply spiritual and psychological act and it is total union with a member of the opposite sex (not man with man or woman with woman!) God sees confusion of the sexual identity as an “abomination”.
Lev. 18:22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.
Lev. 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
Romans 1:18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness; 19 Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them. 20 For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse: 21 Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. 22 Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, 23 And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things. 24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves: 25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen 26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: 27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. 28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
4. Risk the biblical promise of sacrificial love and its resultant blessings. Be committed!
a. The man is the initiator and the woman is the responder.
b. The man must display kindness, sweetness and commitment and then the wife should and do her best to respond positively.
NOTE: It is amazing that women who are mistreated by their husband do not poison them, beat them, leave them, or all the above. This shows the blessed restraint on the part of the woman (oops, lady)!
5. Remind yourselves of the biblical framework of physical intimacy
a. To produce mutual love and pleasure.
b. To reproduce the race.
c. To provide parenthood.
d. To prevent infidelity, promiscuity, fornication and adultery.
NOTE: Ladies, often your husband may be exposed to mini-skirted women, wearing clothing with cleavage designed to entice sexual feelings, jaded Jezebels, out to seduce YOUR MAN at work and in the marketplace, there are books, TV, movies, social media, porn, etc.! He had better have someone out to seduce him at home or he may cave in and succumb and if he does it is his fault (and to some extent, possibly yours)! It is YOUR job to turn him on, attract him, and keep him satisfied at home. Love him
deeply and intimately!!!
a. Problems in intimacy may develop:
1.) Sameness destroys…use your imagination, introduce new concepts.
2.) Fear hinders…relaxation is a necessity. The threat of unwanted children sometimes brings fear of intimacy and intercourse.
NOTE: ✔️The “Pill” is harmful to the body, which is God’s temple, and it interrupts God’s design for the female body, so should not be used by believers. Other more natural forms of contraception are available. Both husband and wife must agree. (The only method of birth control in the bible is self-control. But sexual intimacy is not frowned upon within the context of marriage.)
✔️Abortion is the murder of another person. The only exception would be if birth jeopardizes the life of the mother. The “shedding of innocent blood” is another abomination in God’s sight! No one is more innocent than the unborn.
Prov. 6:16 These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: 17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood… (that would include parents, doctors, nurses, et. al.)
3.) Ignorance kills, a biblical viewpoint is needed.
NOTE: Once and for all let’s dispel the ignorance of the biblical view of intimacy. If you think sex within marriage is “dirty” or simply a “duty” to be performed or endured, you are spiritually immature in this area. Study the Scriptures! Sex within marriage, in the Scriptures is seen to be vital, pleasurable, helpful, necessary, clean, exciting, and spiritual.
4.) Boredom kills also:
a. Nothing will destroy a good marriage relationship quicker than boredom. Pleasant surprises are great.
b. Broaden your interests: read, explore new possibilities, look into new hobbies and interests, etc.
c. Encourage a change in schedules, furniture, clothing, hairdos, within your financial and other means.
d. Review your needs: quit doing what satisfied you 20 years ago unless it still does!
e. Examine your present practices and change them wherever needed.
III. SUBJECT: SHEKELS: “Ye cannot serve God and mammon” (money or riches)
Mt 6:19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: 20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: 21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also 22 The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. 23 But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness! 24 No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.
A. The Husband Controls the Money (Budget) in the Home:
PERSONAL NOTE: As the husband, I set up the budget at the beginning of the year. However, since my wife was better at shopping, etc., she wrote all the checks, paid all the bills, did most of the shopping, made sure bills were paid on time, etc. and even gave me an “allowance” each week from my paycheck, according to that budget. This is a very personal decision, but the husband should never be kept in the dark about expenditures, etc. Avoid separate checking accounts, “secret” purchases (except for special occasion surprises), etc. (There were times when my wife did “sneak” some money or gifts to the children or grandchildren without my prior approval or direction, but did so out of love, not to “cheat” or hurt our budget. I now forgive her! 😊
1. This does not mean that he has to spend the money, he simply controls where and when it is spent.
2. It does mean that he must control and be aware of every expenditure.
B. Should a Wife Work Outside the Home to Support the Family? Possibly. (The passage below deals with the ideal wife and mother.)
Prov. 31:13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. 14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. 15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. 16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. 17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. 18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. 19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. 20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. 22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. 24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. 25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
1. If she can submit her paycheck to her husband for evaluation and possible control.
2. If she contributes to and does not hinder God’s order in the home.
3. If she can remain in subjection to her husband.
4. If she can be at home with the children when they are awake and at home.
5. If she can continue to be a good mother and wife when at home.
C. Should a Wife Be Aware of the Family’s Financial Status? Definitely!
1. She must know about investments, insurance policies, etc.
2. She must be a partner in any decisions concerning purchases, etc.
3. She must be included in every account, plan, and anything that impacts her home’s income and obligations.
4. She must share her needs for household management with her husband.
NOTE: ❤️The husband and wife should have some provision in writing (a will?) regarding what is to be done with finances, children, etc. in the event of death, disability, etc. It is a good idea to state in writing your own funeral expenses and instructions. These decisions are often personal and sometimes influenced to some extent by society, well-meaning relatives, etc., e.g. viewing, burial, cremation, donation of body parts or of the entire body for medical research and to help others with usable body organs. (My wife and I agreed on the latter and when she went to Heaven, her organs helped at least four other people who needed them. My body will hopefully help others as well. This is another good reason to stay as healthy as possible throughout your life on earth. The waiting list for those needing organs is sadly often too long and those in need often die before someone cares enough to help them. Think about an unsaved person who might receive our organs and then live longer and finally receive Christ before their own death. I don’t have the Apostolic gift of healing or raising the dead, but I may continue to be a blessing to someone after I am gone to the glory land. Of course, the funeral industry doesn’t profit when a body is donated. They promote burial since they sell burial plots, limousines, expensive caskets, headstones, charge large sums for their “services”, etc.
❤️Of course, you can still have a memorial service (absent your body). There will be no grave site to visit (you will not be there anyway!), but your ashes may be given to loved ones of your choice, if desired. And the Holy Spirit is no longer a resident when you die. For the believer it is simply “absent from the body and present with the Lord.” - P.F.)
IV. SUBJECT: SWITCHES “the rod of reproof”
NOTE: The subjects we have already covered: Submission , Sweetness and Shekels, bring us logically to the next subject, i.e. Switches or discipline for children of a married couple.
A. Discipline Must Be Consistent:
1. Discipline children the same each time for the same or similar offense or infraction of your rules (whether at grandma’s house, the church house, your house or the grocery store. Of course you may have to wait to get home to your house).
2. Children have short memories, so you need to remind them of their offense.
3. Discipline each child in the same way (age appropriate).
NOTE: “Time outs” or sitting children in a corner or elsewhere is not the biblical approach to discipline…that is our current pop-culture concept. While they are on a “time out” they are simply pouting or plotting. Trust what God says in His Word as being the most effective in the long run. He sees the end result. Another form of discipline is to deny them what they like to do or play with for a stated time. If your children are into the internet, social media, etc., it is your right and responsibility to know what they are engaged in. When they are in your home they have no right to privacy, regardless of what the ungodly world may say to the contrary.
- Avoid using your hand…use a paddle (“rod of reproof” – Bible), a switch, or other means to get the job done.
- Avoid any permanent injury.
- Don’t threaten without delivering. (That is ineffective, and you will become a liar in the child’s eyes.)
- Don’t hit your child on the head (the exception may be a slap on the mouth for sassing, etc.).
- Don’t constantly scream or yell without appropriate action, or you may produce a rebellious, neurotic child.
- Don’t permit prolonged periods of crying or pouting after a spanking. (The crying should stop as soon as possible after the punishment.)
- Don’t spare the rod for crocodile tears. All tears before discipline are to be considered “acting”.
Prov. 19:18 Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Prov. 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
Prov. 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
(Discipline when a child is young may avoid serious problems later.)
- Be affectionate and love your child back into fellowship as soon as possible after biblical discipline.
- Calm down before disciplinary action; don’t discipline in anger or wrath.
B. Discipline must be shared by both parents:
1. Mom must do much of the spanking for minor infractions because dad is often at work. (“Just wait till daddy gets home” turns dad into an enemy to be disliked if overused.)
2. Dad must do most of the spanking for major problems. (If only one does the correction he or she will become the “villain”)
C. Both must agree in front of the children about disciplinary action.
1. If you are wrong, admit it to the children.
2. If you are wrong, apologize to the children.
Eph. 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
D. Discipline must be administered in love:
1. Wait until you “cool down” before disciplining your children.
2. But practice discipline as soon as possible after the offense. (Making disciplinary threats without acting on them produces animosity and festers rebellion and increased misbehavior in a child. Practice what you threaten as soon as possible or don’t threaten in the first place.)
3. Discipline should produce a serious examination of the offense.
4. If you don’t break his or her will (yes, girls have a sinful nature also) when he or she offends, he or she will break your heart later.
- Connect the discipline with the infraction as soon as possible.
- Explain the reason for the discipline.
- Administer the discipline befitting the offense (or sin of rebellion. against known rules).
- Wait until the child regains composure, before discussing the details.
- Love the child back into your fellowship.
- Do not discipline more than once for the same infraction.
- Do not “nag” the child about his or her disobedience or sin after the discipline has accomplished the desired repentance.
NOTE: For you own benefit and spiritual insight and growth read and study the appropriate Scriptures regarding discipline, e.g….
Prov. 3:11,12 My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction: 12 For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.
Prov. 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Prov. 19:18 Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Prov. 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. 16 When the wicked are multiplied, transgression increaseth: but the righteous shall see their fall. 17 Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.
Prov. 20:20 Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness. (This is how serious God sees rebellion and sin)
Prov.22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Eph. 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
V. SUBJECT: SPIRITUALITY…”ye which are spiritual”
Gal. 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. 2 Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ 3 For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself. 4 But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. 5 For every man shall bear his own burden. 6 Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teacheth in all good things. 7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. 8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. 9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
NOTE: The heading above is the spiritual “glue” which binds the other headings together.
Without spirituality, SUBMISSION becomes abrasive,
SWEETNESS becomes a farce,
SHEKELS create tensions and
SWITCHES (or child discipline) becomes a disaster.
But what is SPIRITUALITY? Can it be measured? It is like the wind. You can feel it and see its results, but you may not see its ultimate outcome, but the results and manifestations are measurable. So, let’s dive in and see what the Scriptures reveal…
A. Spirituality is Submission to God and His Word:
1. In prayer.
2. In obedience to His will (revealed in His Word).
B. Spirituality is Sensitivity to God:
1. It is responding to the prompting of the Holy Spirit.
2. It is yielding to the leadership of His Spirit.
C. Spirituality is Service to God:
1. Giving your time, talents, tithes and trust to Him and His work (the local church).
Heb 10:25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
2. Attending preaching and teaching times in your local assembly…do away with on-line watching, go to church!. (Unless you have a legitimate reason: sickness, disability, severe pain, etc.)
3. Visiting the sick, elderly, shut-ins, afflicted, etc.
4. Witnessing to and winning the lost.
5. Passing out gospel tracts as a daily ministry or as often as possible.
6. Building a Christlike spirit in your home.
7. Encouraging every family member to be active for Christ in a sound Bible-centered local church and setting the example.
8. Maintaining a balance in every area of your life in line with the Scriptures.
ARE YOU SPIRITUAL?
CONCLUSION: Well, ladies, are you SUBMISSIVE? Husbands, are you SWEET? Mom, Dad, Children, are you SPIRITURAL? Believers, are you SCRIPTURAL?
💥Once again, I would ask you to let me know where I have been unscriptural in my approach to this subject of a Christian and Christ-centered marriage? I have honestly and humbly attempted to unfold what God has to say on these vital biblical subjects within the context of a Christian marriage. The Lord has an invested and intense interest in every believer’s life and certainly in a Christian’s marriage and home.
💥Of course, the basic principles above apply to those believers who have not married as well. The Bible is our guide for the unmarried too. Perhaps you have chosen to remain unmarried so you may better serve the Lord without some of the distractions and responsibilities of being yoked to a husband or wife. Maybe God has called YOU to remain unmarried.
1Cor. 7:8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. (Paul stated this when he was on the road constantly preaching the Word and during a time of extreme persecution against believers.)
1Cor. 7:32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
1Cor. 7:34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
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| christian_marriage_seminar.docx |
| marriage_seminar_3.pptx |
| marriage_seminar_3a.pptx |
